To say that my journey to pregnancy was difficult would not be fair. Even though she really was for me for a few months. It was so quick over time, but it wasn't as quick as people often think of pregnancies, and if it helps even one of you trust your body, it's worth writing about.
It sounds silly, but I thought I was going to get pregnant for the first time. A world full of stories of how people "successfully succeeded" plus the fact that all my closest friends got pregnant that way (I'm not exaggerating, ALL of them, one even protected and unplanned), they did their thing. And so, when David and I said last fall that we would let it go, I didn't. I calculated in my head that if we conceived in September, he would be born in June, and I never thought for a second that it would be otherwise. The fact that it can take a while is not talked about that much, and you will only find out when it takes you a while. Of course, the moment lasts differently for everyone, for us it was 4 months, for some it's 11 and it's still fine (!). However, this is where psychology comes into play. The fear that the moment will be long and that it will not be okay in the end prolongs the whole thing and strengthens us in the belief that something is happening. The more we fear, the longer it takes. And the whole thing is a very unpleasant and vicious carousel as a result.
The moment our biological clock starts ticking, we begin to subconsciously fear that we will never have children. I don't want to generalize this statement in any way, based on the hours spent talking about this topic, nothing else comes to my mind. The desire for a child is so strong that not having one is out of the question, and the little doubts somewhere in the back begin to deepen over time. And whether we are afraid that we will never meet the right one, that we can't have them, or that we simply won't find the time or money for them in our lives, it doesn't matter. We just want them and fear it will never come.
When we already have the right one, a place in life and the background, and it doesn't work out right away, we start to panic. And everyone starts saying that it can take a while and that you need to be calm. Suddenly! Women who try for years may laugh at me, but our four months also dragged on for me, and I don't remember a day in the fall when I didn't think about it. That everything is fine, the world is fine, work is fine, David is fine, my mom and friends are fine, the weather is fine, we're writing a book and that's fine, the approaching Christmas is fine, everything. But there was one big BUT behind all of this - BUT I'm not pregnant. And the only way to deal with it was in my head.
I'm lucky to have David and my best friends by my side, who told me one after another that they were pregnant or were already breastfeeding, but they didn't let me down. From conversations and loving advice, I took my own and here is a list of what helped me the most:
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A big cliché, but an even bigger truth - the journey is the destination . After sobering up and adequately mourning the delusion that it didn't happen right away, I tried to enjoy every single day, every single attempt and every ovulation or period after it. Because they are a sign that the body is working and as long as I have them, I know that I just have to wait. And that once that happens, life will no longer be as I know it today. That things will change irrevocably and I don't have much time left. Today, with this distance, I'm honestly glad I didn't get pregnant right away. I gained time to realize the things that were not so completely resolved, to make sure that I really want a child and that I am ready and enjoy the pregnancy from the very beginning.
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The knowledge that fear is natural , that I will never stop being afraid and that we are all afraid. And as a year ago I was afraid and very much hoped that I would get pregnant, so in the first trimester I hoped that I would not miscarry, in the second that it would not kick too much and today I hope that she will be born healthy. And it all just begins with childbirth. Fears, whether everything is okay, whether we are doing it right, whether we will be able to raise him, etc. etc. it will only increase.
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Positive affirmations were another thing that came into my life last fall. I knew they were, I knew how to use them, but I never thought they really worked. But my body needed to hear that I believed it. That I like him even if he didn't get pregnant the first time. And that it doesn't matter, that I'll wait and that I'm looking forward to it. Today, I really don't know how many evenings I repeated these little prayers, but I know that after a few minutes I started to be genuinely happy and smile.
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The last thing I recommend wherever I go is measuring the basal temperature . There are many applications that track the cycle, but they may not be completely accurate, and since the chance of getting pregnant is only about 3 days a month, you want it exactly. I used Clue. Every morning I wrote down my current basal temperature in it (measured with a basal thermometer, not an ordinary one, right after waking up, not an hour after and directly in the mouth, not in the mouth) and after two months she got a pretty good picture of how it works in me.
I believe I would have gotten pregnant even without these points. However, since everything is mainly in the head and this applies doubly when trying to have a child, any reconciliation and realization that this is only a phase, a journey that is also a goal, something that must be, for something else to happen, calmed me down and that was the most important thing.
So may it be successful for you too! ❤