Semester

Today is more heart-filled in my diary than my thirtieth birthday. Today marks the end of my six-week period, and I thought when I was making a heart that this was the end of my galleys.

The hexadecimal is treacherous. Super beautiful and hyper demanding. A rollercoaster, 40 days of PMS, long minutes and short days, and time that turns to fluid. And I had HUGE respect for him. I'm glad that new and new things are being talked about openly. However, all those articles about baby blues, postpartum depression, inflamed breasts and fear of every passing minute that came to light shortly before my birth honestly scared me. (And at the same time, they prepared for the sextet as best they could.)

In the beginning, I watched myself honestly and with every thought or fear, even a little bit black, I said to myself "and it's here, it's already happening, Baby Blues, it's fucked up". Was not. However, it sometimes took me a while to calm down and not panic.

Is it possible to prepare for the sixth week? Will give. But does that guarantee it will be beautiful? Nice? Or at least bearable? It does not guarantee. I could have the best partner next to me, freeze all the broths of the world in the freezer and download only comedies to my computer. If hormones kicked in, it wouldn't matter.

What can be done, however, is to realize that it doesn't have to be just nice and to consider this possibility as well. Semester was very important to me and I wanted to enjoy it as much as possible. I gave birth by planned caesarean section, I was afraid of the empty uterus syndrome (women who do not go through childbirth as such, hormones do not start naturally and sometimes it happens that their child is a stranger to them), that Eliáš and I would not connect to each other, that it would be difficult to heal and I won't stand on my feet for weeks, even if my milk doesn't come down. I was afraid of everything that was even theoretically associated with caesarean section.

And at the end? My sixth week, I have to knock, was great. 6 week autumn holidays or the flu season if you are the only healthy one in the whole class. 6 weeks full of love, lying down, snuggling, breastfeeding, which started and only hurt occasionally, eating everything that came my way, jumping around with David, romantic movies and walks. Yes, I woke up every two hours at night, sometimes every hour (and I still do), I often didn't know what was going on and if it was right (and I still don't know) and if I started thinking about the responsibility I suddenly have, I panicked (it happens all the time). However, Eliáš is, once again, a perfect baby. For 6 weeks he just ate and slept and my biggest problem was (and still is) that he won't fall asleep anywhere but on the nipple. And that I feel sorry for waking him up, so I let him sleep while I lie in a slouched position and feel my back slowly dying. Thank God the next episode of Friends is playing automatically on Netflix.

Again - six weeks is ALL about hormones and it's either beautiful and loving or many many hours of crying and uncertainty (on both sides). I don't know if there is something in between. And even if you can't prepare for it 100%, you can at least a little bit. And yes, I believe that I enjoyed it also because of that.

• "Plan". David and I talked a lot about what happens next. After Elias was born and we were both clear that the six weeks would be all about me lying down and taking care of him. And really, for the first 2-3 weeks at home, I didn't put a piece of straw at home, taking the plate to the kitchen was beyond the scope, David took care of everything. He cooked, loved, praised, protected, supported, cleaned and gave me everything I needed in the beginning.

• Before giving birth, I tried to imagine life with a baby and purposefully slowed down. Of course, it's hard and I don't remember what I was thinking, but by "losing" the preparation for the birth, I got time to prepare for what will come after it. I gradually stopped working and having to catch up with everything, meeting my friends to the same extent as before, I was alone a lot, I even put a nest in the bed between us and visualized what it would be like when Eliáš was in it (from which after a few minutes my stomach clenched and I had to put it away). I tried to put myself in a slow "six-week mood" for at least a few days, so that it wouldn't be such a big shock. Because I wouldn't be able to run out of the carousel and not want to run into it immediately after giving birth.

• I expected it to be difficult. Despite my optimistic nature, I have a tendency to imagine the worst scenarios, so I was prepared for a lot. I tried my best to have no expectations, no plans, no promises, just nothing. It will be as it will be.

• I allowed myself to lie down for long hours and days. To get myself together, to meet Elias, so that he gets everything he needs. In the last 6 weeks I have seen 18 movies, read 4 books and knitted 3 hats. Imagine how many hours of lying down that is.

• Full pantry, fridge and freezer. And when I say full, I mean our food was literally falling off the shelves. We didn't want to take Eliáš to closed spaces full of people, so during the six-week period we mainly ate at home. Before giving birth, I read a book about diet in the sixth week and tried to stick to it - nothing cold, a lot of soups, porridges, teas, broths and roasted vegetables.

• Life in isolation, in a cocoon. Visits to the maternity ward were banned all over the country, after coming home it was already worse. We have a lot of people we like and who like us, so after 10 days we gave up and called the first visit. And even though it was beautiful, we managed only one more after it, and they preferred to meet all the others outside. On the go, with coffee in hand. And honestly? Visits, even if they are more self-loving, are tiring, and for the first few days/weeks, there is nothing better than just being together as a threesome.

• Friends on the phone. Ideally, those who have been through it. To give a pacifier or not? And snacks in the maternity ward? Oh, breastfeeding hurts! Will his navel ever fall off? I'm bored! And don't I put him in bed? Yes, I would find the answer to everything at the Blue Horse, but just the thought of it makes me shudder and I am very grateful that we, with most of my closest friends, have children at the same time.

• Daily walks. Even if only briefly. I know that it is recommended to be at home as much as possible during the six-month period, in warmth and without unnecessary commotion. However, I could not imagine it without fresh air and movement. So David and I started going for walks as soon as we could. Because of my scar, Eliáša was wearing a scarf, we went slowly and to minimize meetings, we went to cafes and parks where we don't normally go.

• Falling asleep early. I can't nap during the day (or I wasn't tired enough to do it) so I learned to go to bed at seven. Eliáš woke up every two hours and yes, I could leave him and go to bed with him "until" nine o'clock, but I would deprive myself of two whole hours of sleep. And since I was in bed for 12 hours straight (and still am actually), I piled on my eight no matter what we did at night.

• Placenta in capsules . Yes, I know, it is not scientifically proven that the placenta would really help, but it was more than enough for me as a placebo.

Semester is behind me and I am already sad about how I functioned during it. However, as one of my friends wisely said yesterday (on the phone), I have every right to stretch it for the entire fourth trimester. And it won't be any other way. <3